If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
