so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I understand Curling. That high.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
