It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
