benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
