Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize