I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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