I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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