I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
