3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
