There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
