On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
