her vagine was all disorganized.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
