HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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