this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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