You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize