Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
