if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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