I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
