So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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