her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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