No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
