i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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