Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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