Say something about gay babies.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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