At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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