That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We have started to decorate penises.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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