The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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