You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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