I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
