Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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