His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
