I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
