My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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