East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
