Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
