Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
