Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
