theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
