dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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