Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
