is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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