i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
