make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
