apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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