stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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