i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
