Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's rum buckets o'clock
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
