oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize