i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
