I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
