How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
