he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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