i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
