Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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