I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
