You work out of a Hotel?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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