I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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