I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
