you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
