Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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