I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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