dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
