I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
