why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
