Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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