the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
