so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize