paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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