gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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