Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
