On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
