Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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