Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
