I wanna bring you to show and tell
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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