We won't sleep together?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
