Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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