I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
