Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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