Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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