So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
