I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
