and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
