I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
