So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
