Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im six kinds of drunk right now
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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