i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
