Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just want to make out with him forever
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize