Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
