Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
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