Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
