I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
