I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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