Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Everything about him screamed your future.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
