it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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