yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My liver just had a heart attack.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
