You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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