u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
