just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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