I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
