Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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