How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I smell stomach acid.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
